Heartache
by deathkid1313
Summary: Shiznat When you have an infatuation on a certain someone, does your heart ache whenever you know you can't have them? Will you persue the forbidden romance or hide in the shadows while convincing yourself to give up?


First time writing. I know I suck at it. Feel free to review.

Disclaimer: I do not own Mai Hime.

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I clutch my heart as if it was trying to beat out of my chest. As the pain eases gradually, I inhale sharply. My hand relaxes and the creases on my shirt fade. I am in my bed, waking up from a nightmare which is suppose to be a pleasant dream. Her face, her voice, her smile, everything about her was so damn intoxicating. And it makes it so damn painful to forget.

Dreaming about her is great, wonderful, fantastic. But, when I crash down to my bed and wake up to find that everything was just fucking fantasies that's caused by my raging hormones, it hurts. To see myself sitting beside her as she is engrossed in her homework, stroking her silk-like hair, smelling the distinctive fragrance she carries around her—it was oh-so perfect! And the next thing I know I am awake, in my room, which smells of dirty laundry and overnight pizza. Who knew that the presence of her—in reality or fantasy—is all it takes to cover up all the bad things. Like the virgin snow that envelopes the imperfectness of the ground, painting it with a coat of pure whiteness, wrapping everything into its arm.

After rolling around my bed, which is hard to achieve since it is a very, very small one, I get up and stagger towards the bathroom. Cold water splashes me on my face and I look into the mirror—a face of a girl, midnight-blue hair and solemn green eyes, the dark circles around each of them have deepened since the last time she got a good night sleep, which is, ironically the first day she experienced falling in love. _See what love does? _I use the hem of my shirt to wipe the dripping beads of water although the towel was just hanging behind me.

I step out of the dorm wearing a plain T-shirt, a pair of shorts and my sneakers. Running is one of the few things I love, others being her, mayo, guns, Ducati and her. It makes me feel alive as the air blows my hair backwards. It also distracts me from my own thoughts. And it's a pain that I can't run forever. 7 rounds around the dorm if I have a dream about her, 5 if I don't. Practically everyday, I run 7 laps. It's not a problem for my stamina, but it shows that I'm nowhere near forgetting.

I prepare for school. The uniforms are a pain in the ass, always. Why the hell do they need to design skirts for girls? Pants are more comfortable and far more easy to move in. I walk into school, glaring at anyone who got into my way. People scram alright. However, there is one single obnoxious guy who didn't run, he stands perfectly still while holding both his hands behind his back.

I admire his courage, but I am not in a friendly mood, I never am. "What do you want?"

He immediately takes out a letter from behind of his back and blushes, "Would you like to go out on a date with me?" He has good looks, spiky black hair and a strong jaw, a scar present on his left temple which makes him look masculine in front of the girls.

The envelope is white and it has my name on it. The letter is a little crumpled and I guess he's been opting on whether to give it to me or not. I've never had this type of problems, people run when they see me, so I feel slightly embarrass right now, especially with people staring at the scene. Someone whistles, "Good luck! Takeda!"

I keep my mouth shut for a while, my eyebrows form a frown. Rejecting is the first thing that hits my mind, it is the only way—the right way. He is anxiously waiting for my reply, his cheeks are flushing red, and he keeps staring up. I cough, "Sorry, but I'm interested in someone else." His eyes turn wide now, and I realize, I just said I like someone—which is no doubt, the truth—and my face burns.

His bunch of kendo friends are chuckling and laughing from a corner, "Ice princess turned you down for someone else Masashi!"

He looks into my eyes, wishing he could see that it was a lie. I turn around and walk away in a hurried pace. I curse myself, "Fuck!" _What were you thinking?!_ My head is not in a good condition, mental pictures of her flash past. Her smiling at her fans, her giving a speech when she was elected as the President of the Student Council, her whispering something to her rumored boyfriend, Reito. My heart is racing and I wonder when will it reach the finish line. Uncontrolled anger is also flaring up within me, what does he have that I don't? _A penis. _Yes, the problem is, I'm not straight and that I'm pretty sure she is.

Suddenly, someone calls out my name, "Kuga-san!" It was him, again. He sprints up to me, his eyes are filled with determination. "Please… Natsuki, at least tell me who am I up against?"

Like I said, I am not in a good mood to deal with love, I've been trying in the past few months, and nothing good came out of it. "Can you leave me alone! And we are not on first name basis."

The bell rings deafeningly and that was my queue to disappear. I run straight past students who are chattering, past my classroom, past my homeroom teacher who was yelling at me to stop. I couldn't care less about my attendance record as I run out of the school, wanting to forget everything. Surrounding the school is a forest of different shades of greens. There is no wild-life so it is not dangerous for students to wander into it. Activities are also held in the forest because of the peaceful ambiance it gives out. As I run through annoying branches and leaves, my speed gradually slows down. And after a few minutes, I come to a halt. Only by then, I notice where I am standing. Above me, stands the large sakura tree that she once leaned on. The petals are clean white tinged with the palest of pink, a wind blows and some fall. They float in the air for some time before landing gracefully on the ground. Of course, I am entranced by the beauty of it, the whole tree is as white as snow. I sit down, leaning my back on its trunk and recall one of my memories of her. One pops up—she was reading a book under this tree, her caramel-colored hair was tied loosely in a ponytail while her wine-red eyes were scanning through the book.

Sadly, I smile, "How am I ever going to forget her?" _I can't._

As that question leaves my mouth, the throbbing of my heart begins. The excruciating pain engulfs me and I grasp my chest in order to soothe it. I breathe in and out to steady myself but the pain is still reluctant to stop. I bite down on my lower lip.

"Are you okay?" A voice pierces through my mind and the pain stops instantly. That familiar voice. Coated with honey and filled with nectar.

I blink fast and turn my head. And there she is, standing on my left, that lovely face of hers carries a worried look. This is the first time I've seen her up close, heard her voice through her own lips and not through a speaker. She is rarely seen around the school as she spends most of her time in the Student Council room, and when she is outside, she doesn't talk much. Unlike the hot-headed Director of the Disciplinary Team whose voice can make the whole school shudder. I swallow down my cowardice and try to speak, "I'm okay." My voice turns out better than I thought it would be, a little hoarse, but who cares.

The concerning expression changes, the edges of her mouth curve upwards into an endearing smile. "A minute ago I though you were having a heart-attack."

I manage a laugh, a true one from the heart. My heartbeat is fast but the agony is absent, for now. I burn an image of her face, smiling, at me. I lift myself up from the ground and dust my skirt. Now, the skirts don't really matter.

"Aren't you suppose to be in class?" she says while raising an eyebrow.

"Erm… I didn't hear the bell ring," I lie. It is a lame one, but who could blame me, talking never comes easy for me, her presence just makes it harder.

She looks me from up to down, then sighs, "You better get back to class. Suzushiro-san would be enraged when she finds you here."

"Not to be rude, but you are not in class yourself," I scratch my head, my eyes watch the ground while glancing occasionally at her. I am hoping that my face wouldn't turn red.

"Ara… I have permission to be outside class right now." After saying that, she walks back to the school in a languid pace. She throws me a sincere look, "You should be back in class… What is your name?"

For a while, I pause to catch my breath. "Kuga Natsuki." I look up to meet her enticing eyes, which are of colors none seen before—red. I can hear my heart somersaulting.

"Nice to meet you, Natsuki. My name is Fujino Shizuru," she articulates as if I do not know her and continues walking. I see her hair cascading down her back, swaying as she strolls under the provided shades of the trees. I see how she carries herself so confidently. I see how she puts on her façade when she's talking to her rabid fans. I see that she sometimes lets her guard down when she knows there's no one around. I see how she hides her laughs and giggles using her hand. I see how beautiful she is. I see why I'm falling for her. I see a lot of things about her.

_The thing I don't see is how do I forget you? Fujino Shizuru._

If you see someone clutching their heart, you'd assume it's a heart-attack. In my case, it's a heartache. A terrible one, to be exact.


End file.
